I’m a mom.
I’m an entrepreneur.
I’m a business owner.

And sometimes it downright sucks.

My little prince is almost 8 months old so I’m still within the first year of his life where other employed moms are relishing in maternity leaves that give them 12 months off work – with pay!

On many an occasion I find myself thinking…

“It would it be so nice to leave the laptop in sleep mode today…to play with my son without thinking about everything I still need to do before nighttime…to forget all about my clients, my deadlines and my responsibilities…to get paid for doing NO WORK…and to feel good about it because I DESERVE IT.”

1 – There’s NO break.

I’ve said it before, being a mom is a full time job. That means there’s really no opportunity to do any other kind of actual work unless you really get creative. Which I do. If you’re a working mom, then you’ve really gotta do everything you can to stay committed. Motivated. Driven. Dedicated to your work.

And that means sacrifices in other areas.

More so than losing a bit of personal time or quality time with your partner and friends, those sacrifices sometimes involve distractedness when you’re with your kid. Read point 3 below.

2 – I feel like I’m getting cheated.

Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs in shameful envy of all the lucky ass moms out there with mat leaves. While I’ve been building my businesses and working happily for myself for the past 6 years, they’ve been “working for the man” in positions that I’ve always thought I wanted nothing to do with!

Until now.

As I evaluate the full package of what they bring, those tedious, unchallenging and unsatisfying desk jobs are looking pretty damn nice.

3 – I can’t give my son my undivided attention.

This is a big one. Our little ones are only at home with us for such a short time and yet as moms – and working moms – we have so much to do on any given day to keep life rolling. On top of baby duties like diaper changes, nursing and play time, we’ve also got household stuff like laundry, groceries and meal prep. What about all the miscellaneous tasks that usually fall in our laps (because we’re women, we care and we’re hardwired for these things) like buying gifts for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, making sure the house is stocked with essentials like toilet paper and paper towel, answering texts and emails so you don’t totally lose touch with people, or making plans with friends you haven’t seen in forever…

And then you want to add WORK on top of it all?!

Needless to say, this means that no matter how hard you try, there are going to be moments throughout the day when your little one is content with a toy and you’re scrambling to whip up a salad, make a quick phone call or throw a load of laundry on. Even though I know it’s actually a good thing to let your baby have a little independent play time, I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m not always giving my little guy my undivided attention. And that pisses me off.

4 – Life feels like one big rush.

path As a working mom, the second I’ve got a spare minute because the little prince is napping or because my husband’s spending time with him or because one of the doting grandparents is over for a visit, I rush to squeeze in every possible task I can complete. Life feels like one big blur. Granted, the time stress is something I definitely put on myself. No one else is rushing me. I am. But I can’t help it. I feel like I’m always chasing that feeling of total relaxation…I fool myself into thinking that if I just complete this one thing, then I’ll be able to fully relax. But guess what happens when I’m done that one thing? Another thing pops up.

C’est la vie.

5 – I just want to play with my son. All day. Every day.

baby-play-toys Maybe it’s the new mommy coming out in me. Maybe it’s the realization that time is going by waaaaay too fast. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m becoming more and more attached to my son as each day passes.

I used to be the hardest worker. 10, 12, 15 hour days. Whatever. I loved it.

Now?

Even though I LOVE what I do, I often find myself wishing I could just drop it all to be with my son. Ever since he came along it’s become clear to me that when I really take a hard, long look at life, he’s all that matters. Real happiness, real value comes from spending time with the people you love.

Your kid.
Your husband.
Your parents.
Your relatives.
Your friends.

When we’re six feet under, we’re not going to look back at life with fond, loving feelings for our money. We’re going to be proud of the kind of kids we raised. At the relationships we built. At the awesome experiences we had.

family-figurine As I spend time with my son, who by the way becomes more and more fun every single day, that goofy, comical and lighthearted side of me comes out. I laugh till my jaw hurts and I do things that make my son smile from ear to ear. What we do together is so small, so silly and so seemingly insignificant. But it’s anything but. These are the times that I’ll always cherish. These are the times when I feel my absolute best. These are the times I’ll never, ever forget.

So, can you blame me that there are some days when I just don’t want to work at all?

Sorry for being a Bitter Betty today. Stay in Bittersville with me for now (I need the company) but stay tuned for the flipside. Yeah, there are positives too. Gotta see the silver lining, right?

A Few Tips to Get You By…

Before I give you a big boost and post all the reasons why being a working mom is awesome, here are a few tips that have helped me squeeze my way out of Bittersville when I really need a pick-me-up:

The challenge of perfectly balancing work and baby time is what makes both tasks so rewarding.
Knowing yourself, if there was no work to do for a full year, you’d probably be miserable and bored out of your mind.
Because you’re working and raising your baby, you’re able to feel uber productive no matter what you’re doing – all day, every day.
You haven’t lost your career or even had to put it on hold.
Working moms are super moms. Straight up.

But until next time, leave a venting comment about why being a working mom SUCKS!

Sleep

To Sleep Train or Not to Sleep Train

April 21, 2015 Katie McDonald Leave a comment

That’s the question, isn’t it?

Before I dive right in and give you my two cents on this one, I’m going to forewarn you that what I have to say isn’t cut and dry. It doesn’t necessary fall neatly into black and white, yes or no. And most importantly, only YOU can decide if, when and how you want to sleep train your baby. I know, I know. Everyone says this! But that’s because it’s absolutely, totally, unequivocally TRUE. The unfortunate part is that if you’re anything like me, you may not entirely understand and appreciate this right away. It took me some time to settle into my new reality where…

I’m a mom.
I make important and critical decisions every single day.
There are no right and wrong answers. Ever.
I don’t have to (and I shouldn’t) listen to anything or anyone else except my own motherly instinct.

What kind of “sleep training” are we talking about here?

Everyone has a different idea of what “sleep training” is. Are we talking about cry it out (CIO)? “Ferberizing” or the Ferber Method? “No tears” approaches? Something that falls between the two?

What does “sleep training” mean to you?

Before you start or try any kind of method on your baby, you need to answer this question. But it’s more than just what is sleep training…

What are you trying to achieve?

This is a farrrr more important question to answer. If you do decide to “train” your baby to sleep, you need to know what kind of results you’re after because you wouldn’t be considering it if you were satisfied with whatever sleep habits your baby already has, right?

We all have a different idea of what a “good sleeper” is. To some moms a good sleeper is one whose longest straight sleep run is five hours and who wakes up for 1-2 feeds a night. To other moms, a good sleeper is a baby who sleeps 12 hours straight through the night with zero wakings. And for some moms, the time stretch makes no difference at all but they’re more concerned with whether or not their baby can fall to sleep on their own (without incessant rocking, singing, snuggling, etc.).

**You’re considering sleep training your baby. Why?**

This may be even more important than the last question because it forces you to dig a little deeper.

Okay, so you want your baby to sleep better. Yeah, who doesn’t? But you’re a parent now. And do you know what that really means? It means you’re forever changed. It means that you now have someone else to care for and to make decisions for other than yourself – and you LOVE that person more than you love yourself. It means that you relinquish all your personal wants, needs, priorities and conveniences to those of your kid.

It’s not about you anymore. It’s about them.

You want to sleep train your baby because if he or she were a better sleeper that would be a whole lot better for YOU! You’d have your sleep back. You wouldn’t have to wake up multiple times through the night. And you wouldn’t have to go to sleep at 9pm to feel rested the next day.

I’ve got news for you.

Being a parent is horribly inconvenient. But you chose this role. You were excited to have a baby and to start a family of your own. Along with that come adjustments and sacrifices. Some big, some small. All significant.

So then, is sleep training your baby the right choice if the primary reason you’re doing it is to make your life more convenient.

“But my baby will be healthier if he gets a good night sleep.”

Yeah, I’ve heard this one before. Sounds good. Makes sense. Yes, we all need sleep to be healthy and to feel good.

BUT!

Does this take priority over tending to your baby when he tells you he needs you? Babies’ only way of communicating with us is by crying. If she’s crying, she needs something. She’s scared, uncomfortable, sad, in pain, overtired… she’s something. And she needs you to help her.

And you’re going to sit back and say, “Oh, he’s just manipulating me. He knows I’ll come if he cries but he doesn’t really need me. I’m going to let him scream bloody murder until he falls asleep so he knows how to do it on his own.”

You know what else? Lots of times this extended, excessive crying even leads babies to puke because they’re crying SO HARD! What!? Are you serious? And CIO advocates then say, don’t worry, it happens, just go in, change them, put new sheets on the bed, don’t make eye contact, put them back down and walk out. WOW. So now, parenting, which is one of the closest and most special bonds that exists between people on this earth, has become a detached, disjointed, cold and heartless interaction.

In business terms…

How can we compare baby sleep training to business? Think of how you would go about training a new employee.

Would you neglect, abandon and leave them to figure out how to perform new duties on their own? Would you expect them to single-handedly learn key aspects of your business that you’ve lived and breathed for years? Would you block out and ignore their pleads and cries for help in their first days, weeks and months on the job?

teacher A good teacher, coach or trainer is…

Supportive.
Responsive.
Wise.
Understanding.
Encouraging.
Present.

Learning how to sleep is a skill just like any other. Mastering a new skill takes time. It’s a process. And it’s one that calls for a caring, respectful and motivational teacher.

The “pros” and “claims” of sleep training in a CIO way.

Your baby might master the skill of falling asleep on his own
It works fast (usually within a week or so)
Other than listening to your baby cry, it’s easy (as in, it doesn’t break your back, it takes up less of your time in the room with your baby, essentially, it’s a “hands-off” approach)
You’re teaching your baby sound sleeping patterns which are important now and throughout her life
Kids who complete the training may be less likely to throw tantrums before bedtime and to wake their parents through the night, and may be more likely to settle within 10 minutes at night
Parents who complete the training may experience less stress, better overall mood and improved interactions with their children

The “cons” of sleep training with extended periods of crying.

When a baby is highly distressed, the stress hormone cortisol is released, and in excess, this kills neurons which may lead to negatively affected brain development
Stress early in life can be associated with a poorly functioning brain and stress response system later in life, which in turn, can lead to various disorders
Studies show that babies actually learn to self-regulate in the company of their caregivers who tend to them when they cry – if they’re left alone to cry, then learn to shut down when faced with excessive stress
In a baby’s first year of life, trust is being established, with you, with the world and with themselves – if their needs are dismissed or ignored, they learn that their relationships and the world cannot be trusted which can lead to low self confidence, feelings of mistrust and a general emptiness
As a caregiver, if you learn to ignore your baby crying, this may inadvertently make you less susceptible to your baby’s more subtle signals of need or distress
Studies show links between a caregiver’s responsiveness and most, if not all, of their baby’s positive outcomes including intelligence, empathy, lack of aggression or depression, self-regulation and social competence
If you leave a baby to cry, yes, they’ll eventually stop crying but not because the problem was resolved but because they gave up hope that you’ll come to help them – this can lead to a detached baby who is less responsive, appears depressed and who lacks empathy
The parent-child relationship is all about the parent being there for their child – leaving your baby to cry without comfort or response damages the relationship that you’re working so hard to build
Children whose parents are not consistently sensitive and responsive often suffer from insecurity
It doesn’t always work, AND, even if it works the first time parents often need to retrain with CIO over and over again (after travels, after teething, after milestones and growth spurts)

Why I didn’t do CIO.

Many studies show that there is no correlation between later-in-life consequences (such as those listed above) and whether or not children were sleep trained with extensive crying.

Having said that!

If there is even the slightest chance that I am putting my baby at risk of developing any of the risks listed above, then why and how, could I do that? In the world I live, I wouldn’t be able to call myself a good mother after that.

I simply CANNOT listen to my little prince cry for more than a few minutes. Not only do I strongly disagree with it, but I am physically, emotionally and mentally incapable of doing it.

I’m a strong believer that if it’s easy, it’s probably…

Not the right choice
A cop-out or a pipe dream
Not going to work

And if I don’t feel right about something then I know there is no way I’ll be able to see it through, execute it successfully, or live with the guilt of having made a poor decision that I knew in my gut wasn’t a good one.

What I DID do and am still doing.

Just because you don’t want to let your baby cry it out alone, doesn’t mean there’s nothing else you can do to help him establish good sleep habits!

In my case, with my little prince, here’s what I do before every nap and bedtime:

Do quiet play about 15 minutes before I think he might go down (in other words, no Jolly Jumper, no dance offs and no high pitched, over excited talk)
Walk into his room and close the door
Talk to him, tell him it’s sleep time
Turn the fan on (I’m a big fan – pun intended – of white noise)
Sit down in our rocker and read him a book (or two or three)
Get up and close the blinds or turn out the light
Sit back in the rocker and offer the boob
Sing a silly song I made up as I walk him to the crib, lay him down slowly and put him in his sleep sack

This last step with the song is a brand new addition to our routine! Before that, I used to read a book above his head in the crib but lately it seemed as though this was almost exciting him too much, so I’ve switched to the song. I know he loves when I sing to him despite my horrid excuse for a voice so it makes sense.

Now, sometimes this works beautifully and within a few minutes he goes to sleep without a fuss. Other times, it doesn’t work at all and he needs me to pick him up, rock him, cuddle him and be with him. (Which I remind myself is so precious, so special, and so temporary, and therefore, I relish in it.) Sometimes he does long stretches between feeds. Sometimes he sleeps right through the night. Sometimes he wakes up often. There is definite progress but there are also so many uncertainties…

But there are a few things I’m sure of, and they outweigh what I’m unsure of.

I’m sure our routine will change again soon.
I’m sure he’ll need my help going to sleep many a time over.
I’m sure it won’t be easy.
I’m sure that eventually, he’ll be able to go to sleep on his own EVERY time.
I’m sure I’ll always be there when he needs me.
I’m sure that I’ll never regret being a super sensitive and responsive parent.
I’m sure it feels right.
I’m sure that one day, I too, will sleep soundly again.

Working Mom

Who Should be Working … You or Your Husband?

March 26, 2015 Katie McDonald Leave a comment

Imagine this question were asked fifty years ago? Crazy how times have changed. And for many of you, this may still sound like an absurd question to ask. But if both you and your partner are entrepreneurs without mat and pat leaves, working from home, well then this is a valid – and albeit important – conversation.

Who makes more money?

canadian-money — Photo Credit: www.naata.org

No entrepreneur (particularly those of the male gender) want to admit that they’re revenues are lacking, that they’re profits are dwindling or that their beloved business isn’t pulling in as much as expected. But for an entrepreneurial husband and wife team who just brought baby into the mix, this is the first and most logical question that must be answered.

Now, on top of being busy, driven entrepreneurs who work crazy hours to make sure their businesses thrive…you’ve got a baby to care for! In other words, you can’t work the way you used to AND be a good parent. Something’s gotta give. SomeONE’s gotta give. And logically speaking, it should be the one who makes less money.

But wait, there’s more.

**“There is a ridiculous amount of sh*t to do around here!”**

Sound familiar? I swear my husband and I say this a hundred times a day. It’s as if each new day that passes brings with it a host of new “chores” that must be done.

What’s funny is that you thought you were busy before. But you had no idea what busy even meant before your little one came along. Now there’s caring for yourself, caring for your house, caring for your husband and caring for your baby. There is an infinitely greater number of things to do now than there were before. Everything that you and your partner already “figured out” when you moved in together has to get revisited and reworked.

Who’s gonna do what?
What are your roles?
Where can each of you provide the most value?
Who’d rather deal with fresh poopy diapers and who’d rather empty the Diaper Genie?
Which one of you is going to be the baby’s primary caregiver?
How is everything gonna get done?

The tradeoff.

Time is money. As entrepreneurs we know and understand this. Intimately.

And there’s always a tradeoff. If you work less, you make less money (unless you’re running a business that totally runs itself, in which case this article is not for you). If you work more, you make more money … but you can’t be with your little one as much. And for a new mama who’s embracing all that motherhood (and motherly bizin’) really is, THIS. IS. NOT. AN. OPTION.

So, you struggle to find some kind of biz-motherly balance. And a big part of what makes that possible is what you “figure out” with your partner.

Now back to the money question.

Let’s say YOU make more money. You may decide that this means your partner works less (to care for your baby) and you work more.

But let’s get down to the crux of the matter. It’s not only about your work time versus your baby time. It’s about allllll the other house b*tchin’ stuff you have to do! I’m talking about the food prep, the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming…this is where it really all adds up.

How about hiring help?

Even if you already have a cleaning service that comes every couple weeks, all the daily house b*itchin’ chores take up a whack load of time. Once your baby is in the 4, 5, 6 month plus range, you can sit them with you in the kitchen while you slave away, or run to put the load of laundry on while they’re doing a little tummy time in the next room. And now add up all of these little things you do all day long and then ask yourself, how much quality, focused, undivided attention time are you actually giving your kid?!

Yeah, exactly. It’s an eye-opener isn’t it?

There’s another way.

Hire help.

Maybe it’s a part time nanny, maybe it’s a full time nanny. I hate that term “nanny” – it’s so dated and there are so many negative connotations that come along with it. So let’s just call it HELP.

Personally, I HATE the idea.

I’m not the “nanny” type! Here’s why…

I despise the idea of being “waited on”.
It makes me feel like a stuffy, uppity, too-good-for-other-people kind of woman.
I don’t want someone in my house – in my space – allllll the time.
I go about my business and daily activities freely, quickly, efficiently and on my time. I’m afraid this person will be in my way, and even worse, I’m afraid that I’ll feel the need to make conversation every time we cross paths! (I mean, I like to gab just as much as the next person, but all day every day? No way, José.)
We need a bigger house for this!

Why it makes sense.

Ever have a conversation with your loved one and by the end of it you say to yourself, “Damn! This guy is making way too much sense.” In other words, you’ve got zilch when it comes to arguing your side!

This is where my husband and I stand with the HELP conversation.

Here’s how that clever mensch broke it down for me:

We spend hours – yes, hours PLURAL – house b*tchin’ (that’s what he calls anything and everything to do with taking care of ourselves, our house and our little guy).
These are hours that we can’t spend working, being with each other or hanging with our baby.
All of these chores prevent us from giving our little prince our undivided attention when he’s awake.
We can hire someone to do these things for us for X amount of dollars an hour.
We can each make more than X amount of dollars an hour when we’re working.
Now we have more time … To work.
To make more money doing what we love.
To be with our kid.
To spend time with each other.
To enjoy life.

Ah Ha! Okay.

When you put it THAT way Hubby…

Game.
Set.
Match.

Opinions

My Beef with Babies on Facebook

March 17, 2015 Katie McDonald 2 Comments

Alright, bear with me. I’m going out on a limb here. Remember in my intro video I told you (rather warned you – or, for those of you that love it, promised you) that the content on MotherlyBiz was gonna be “raw, unedited, candid and BLUNT”?

Okay, well here it is.

I’ve got beef with babies on Facebook.

Hold up. Who’s account is it again?

You know when you sign up for Facebook, you’re asked to create an account. That’s right, YOU are asked to create an account. Not your husband, not your dog, not your baby – YOU! So why then, do so many mamas feel the need to make everything on their Facebook profile about their babies and not themselves?

Remember, one day, your baby will be old enough to create a Facebook account of their own. And then they’ll be able to post all the pictures of themselves that they want. But, if you’ve already posted every last image you’ve ever taken of them, then you’re just stealing thunder woman! C’mon, leave a few out so your kid will have something to post that the world hasn’t already seen.

We know your kid is cute, but enough is enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I like seeing a cute baby photo just as much as the next person. After all, I am a mom. So yes, I get it. BUT, there are limits! Posting a little sneak peak for all to see every now and then is kosher but if you’re a multiple-times-a-day kinda mommy, I think it’s time for a little adjustment. Would you want to see someone else’s kid quite that often? Right. So tone it down a notch.

How about a little change of focus…

I’m willing to bet that most of the moms out there who flock to Facebook 5, 10, 15 times a day have mat leaves. They’re at home. They don’t have too many places to go. They’re bored. They sure as hell are NOT self employed. Why? Because everyone I know who’s self employed doesn’t have the time to horse around posting on social media – unless, of course, it’s for their business.

So here I challenge you…

I challenge you to do something else instead. The next time your precious little one is sleeping, you’re bored and you find yourself tempted to creep around on Facebook…STOP. Put your phone down. Step away from your laptop. Hide your tablet. And do something productive that you can actually feel good about.

Make a healthy and delicious home cooked meal
Puree some new compilations of super foods for your baby
Read a book
Research that new business idea you had the other day
Call an old friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile

I guarantee you’ll feel better afterwards.

I think Betty White said it best:

“I didn’t know what Facebook was, and now that I do know what it is, I have to say, it sounds like a huge waste of time. I would never say the people on it are losers, but that’s only because I’m polite. People say ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well at my age, if I wanna connect with old friends, I need a Ouija Board. Needless to say, we didn’t have Facebook when I was growing up. We had phonebook, but you wouldn’t waste an afternoon with it.”

Plastering your baby’s face all over social media is foolish.

Forget about my annoyance with baby-infested Facebook feeds and let’s get serious for a second. Times have changed. The world has become a truly f*cked up place. Information isn’t private anymore. Hackers can get access to anything they want. Terror plots are no longer an overseas problem…they’re everywhere. Scary people commit crimes every single day. Pedophiles troll social media sites to choose their next victim.

You’re not just posting pictures for your family and friends to see. However unlikely it may be and no matter how far-fetched it may sound…you might just be putting your baby at risk.

10 reasons NOT to post your baby on Facebook (or any social media, for that matter).

It’s a waste of time.
It’s useless effort.
There are a million other things to do.
There are a million other ways to share photos with the people closest to you.
It’s really just a way to show off, to cry for attention and to get validation from other people. (And now ask yourself, “Do I really need that?”)
It’s not your baby’s Facebook account – it’s yours.
You’re robbing your baby of their right to decide whether or not they want to be on social media.
It’s an annoyance to others. (And no, I’m not talking about the mamas who make the odd posting or profile pic change…I’m talking about the ones who post nothing but their beautiful babies ALL. THE. TIME.)
It’s not worth the risk.
You and your family are better than that.

Who’s with me on this one?

Even if you’re not…put in your two cents and let’s start a conversation about it.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Problems…Tongue Tie, Lip Tie, What Tie?

February 27, 2015 Katie McDonald Leave a comment

It was two days shy of three weeks since my little prince was born and I was enjoying an afternoon stroll with one of my close girlfriends and her son, now two years old. Thank goodness for that walk. And thank goodness for my big mouth too because it was on this very walk when I came to the realization that my breastfeeding problems were real. They were significant. And they weren’t going to disappear on their own.

I opened up about my breastfeeding problems.

If there’s one thing for absolute certain about this particular girlfriend of mine it’s that she has absolutely ZERO inner dialogue. She tells it how it is. She isn’t afraid to speak openly and candidly about ANYTHING. And she often leaves people speechless (particularly those who don’t know her and aren’t expecting the blunt, uncensored dialogue that is her norm). This is why I love her.

Being just about as uninhibited as she, I told her about my breastfeeding problems. Gory details and all. I told her that I was in excruciating pain EVERY. SINGLE. FEED. I told her that I often cried while I breastfed because the discomfort was so unbearable. I told her that I literally had open lacerations on my nipples that didn’t show the slightest signs of healing.

I heard the term “tongue tie” for the first time.

Although this particular girlfriend of mine couldn’t relate in the slightest to what I was going through (she was one of the very few lucky ones that enjoyed a perfect, pain-free latch right from the get-go), she took it upon herself to reach out to her network of moms to see if there was any advice she could pass my way.

Seriously, what would we do without great friends in this life?

ADVICE:

Get a lactation consultant.
Get my baby examined for a “tongue tie”.
Pump (but I didn’t want to risk him not going back to the boob).
Use a nipple shield (ugh, just one more thing to worry about using and sterilizing at every feed – and apparently there’s a good chance your baby will get so attached to it that you have to wean them off when your nipples heal).

So, I put the first two points into immediate action.

I FINALLY called a lactation consultant.

It was a Friday. Once I managed to roll my ass out of bed, after breastfeeding and experiencing some of the worst pain yet, I hit the phones. Turns out there are a lot of other moms with breastfeeding problems because these lactation consultants were booked up! I have no idea how many calls I made but let’s put it this way…it was starting to look as though I wouldn’t be able to get help until after the weekend. It had been three weeks too long and now that I’d gotten into my head the very notion of hiring a lactation consultant, anything later than that very afternoon was simply not an option.

So, I kept Googling.

And calling.

Until at last, my savior picked up.

My first visit with a lactation consultant.

First of all, I fell in love with her because she squeezed me into her obviously hectic schedule and came to my house that very evening. Friday evening. She was perfect. Friendly. Professional. Knowledgeable. And she got right down to business. But to my surprise, she didn’t examine me first. Nope. It was right over to Prince Brody. (After asking my permission, of course.)

Sure enough, what’s the very first thing she concluded?

He has a tongue tie.

tongue-tie-cartoon AND a lip tie.

“Anything else?!” I thought, secretly kicking myself for not getting someone in there sooner.

Okay, so I’d heard of the tongue tie – all thanks to my friend – but lip tie? What the hell was that!?

Oh, and there’s more. He has a tight jaw too.

So here’s the lowdown on it all…

What’s a tongue tie?

The easiest way to explain it (without using the typical “definition” mumbo jumbo) is this: go the mirror and then lift your tongue to the roof of your mouth. See that light pink, stringy piece of skin in the middle that seems to be attaching your tongue to the base of your mouth? That’s called your lingual frenulum. A tongue tie (medically referred to as ankyloglossia – sorry, just a little mumbo jumbo there for you) is an unusually short and/or thick lingual frenulum. Long story short, it decreases the mobility of the tongue, and as a result, can cause breastfeeding issues in the form of poor latching and prolonged nipple pain.

What’s a lip tie?

Although I hadn’t heard of either, a lip tie seems to be even less common than a tongue tie. Peel your top lip back and notice the light pink, stringy piece of skin in between your upper lip and gums. If this is unusually short and/or thick, this is a lip tie (no other mumbo jumbo term to add here). And yup, you guessed it, this decreases the mobility of the upper lip – again, possibly causing breastfeeding issues and pain.

What’s a tight jaw?

Kidding. Self explanatory.

I took the necessary measures to fix everything.

I took my little prince to a breastfeeding clinic where doctors treated him for his tongue and lip tie. In other words, they did a little medical “snip” to “release” both. While I can say that I did feel a slight improvement, it didn’t last long. In two weeks, I was back in the clinic with lactation consultants doting concerningly over me and doctors telling me the tongue tie had reattached (hence the continued pain). Great. So…they “re-released” it with some kind of a “push” method. Who knows. The point is, after 6+ weeks of pain, you do pretty much anything that carries with it the slightest hope of diminishing your soreness.

It was at this latest visit that they told me one of the reasons I probably still had pain was because Prince Brody had a tight jaw and that he might benefit from intracranial therapy from an osteopath. Woah. Osteopath? Man! This kid, at 6 weeks of age, was going to be better versed in the healthcare therapy world than me! But hey, whatever works. Or might work. So we went. Two treatments later, did it help? Maybe a bit. Maybe not. The same as the tongue and lip tie procedures, my pain seemed less initially but within a few days, returned.

I went back to the drawing board.

drawing-board Keep in mind we’re now at about 8 weeks. 8 weeks of PAIN. And I’m not talking about a mild aching or bearable discomfort – I’m talking full-blown, toe-curling, tears-streaming-down-my-face kind of pain. But don’t stop reading…there IS a happy ending.

I called my lactation consultant.

AGAIN.

All she could say was how sorry she was and how rare it was that she treated clients who still had pain after her help, plus everything else I’d done for Brody and I. She suggested I come back into the clinic for the doctors to have a look.

AGAIN.

Then I stopped. I thought to myself, enough is enough. It’s time to chill out, take it day by day, listen to and watch my baby, and just be for a little while. And I’m happy to report that at 10 weeks, I was FINALLY pain free.

Here’s what I think got me to a pain-free breastfeeding situation.

MEDIHONEY. This product was my be-all and end-all. It’s the only topical product that helped my open cuts and raw skin heal.

TIME. I know, this is the point you were hoping I wouldn’t make. Because if you’re reading this, you’re probably experiencing your own breastfeeding pain and you’re wondering how much longer it will be before it’s gone. Sorry, hunny. But hang in there, it’s worth it.

EXPERIMENTATION. Particularly in the last two weeks, when I refrained from any further treatments and consultations, I started to really pay attention to what was happening at each feed. Was it a slightly different angle that worked better? Which positions were both of us most comfortable with? Should I be upright or reclined? Where was the best setup? Couch? Rocker? Bed? Until I was pain free, for me, it was my comfy reclining couch in the family room, with my little guy on a bit of an angle (head higher than legs).

LACTATION CONSULTANT. Even though she didn’t get me to a pain-free state immediately, my lactation consultant taught me so much about breastfeeding that still helps me to this day (my little prince is almost 6 months old now), because babies’ habits and behaviors keep changing!

Everything I did might benefit my baby in other ways too.

Maybe the treatments didn’t help us at all. Maybe they did. Maybe it was one. Maybe it was a combination of everything together.

One thing I will say with absolutely confidence though is that these treatments might benefit my little prince in other ways (not just correcting breastfeeding issues).

Treating tongue and lip ties can…

Help your baby chew age appropriate solid foods
Prevent gagging, choking or vomiting foods
Avoid difficulties related to dental hygiene
Stop persistent dribbling
Facilitate the development of speech
Avoid deterioration in speech
Prevent any loss in self-confidence later on because he or she feels or sounds “different”

Intracranial osteopathy can…

Relieve pressure and discomfort
Release nerve pressure in the lips, cheeks and tongue (caused by birth compressions)
Release the tension and stresses in muscles and soft tissues

A very interesting fact that I can say about our treatment with the osteopath is that after just one treatment lasting less than an hour, I saw my little guy’s tongue for the first time! While it looked as though his osteopath wasn’t doing anything (osteopathy is very subtle, gentle and non-invasive), once she was done, it was like magic. All of a sudden, he was using his tongue freely and excitedly. Why does this matter? Because tongue movement is vital to speech development.

Huh.

I don’t regret a single thing.

Spoken like a true optimist, I don’t regret anything that I did or endured during the first couple months of my dear son’s life. Who knows what really worked or what didn’t but I believe that everything happened for a reason. I’m proud of the fact that I was relentlessly resourceful in my search to find answers (and relief!) and I couldn’t be happier that I stuck with it.

I know it’s hard.
I know it’s painful.
But it’s worth it.

Do you have breastfeeding pain?

Share your story.

Let’s learn and gain from one another’s misery.

Lifestyle

Keep Things Simple

January 9, 2015 Katie McDonald Leave a comment

Life is already complex. From learning and development, to maintaining good health, to building relationships, to figuring out how to make money, to living and environmental issues, to career ups and downs, to baby rearing…the list is never ending.

We’re women. It’s in our nature to over-think, over-analyze and over-complicate things. Most of the time we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Call it instinctual, call it habitual. At the end of the day, if we can hone ourselves in, take a look at the big picture and identify the most simple solution, you never know…it just may work! Keeping it simple doesn’t need to be so hard.

My Most Recent Case of Over-Complication

My little prince is 4 months old now. And up until about a week ago, my husband and I simply assumed that this guy was a fussy, high maintenance (“HM” as I call him) night owl who needed to be rocked to sleep day and night, and who had to stay up until at least midnight if not 1 or 2 am before going down for the day. Needless to say the little one and I would sleep until 11 or noon the next day just to feel somewhat functional! And so has been our routine for the past 4 months.

I assumed that when my little guy was ready to go to bed at 8pm, he’d let us know. Ummm…how exactly did I think he was going to do this? Who knows because I never even tried to change the schedule. I kept thinking to myself, “Man, how long is this ass-backwards routine going to last?”

It wasn’t until we went to our friends’ house for New Year’s Eve that our heads really started to spin as we realized our stupidity. They’d already “sleep trained” their son at one month of age!

“It Seems Way to Simple” – Try it Anyway!

baby-crib On New Year’s Day, I flipped my approach. Something incredibly simple dawned on me…

Baby looks tired so I’ll lay him in his crib.

DUH! Right?

But prior to January 1^st, it didn’t go down that way. I’d recognize that he looked tired (maybe), then wait for him to play himself into total exhaustion, and finally frantically rock him to sleep in my arms once he became despairingly fussy!

Ridiculous.

When I placed him gently in his crib on New Year’s Day for his first nap after returning from the slumber party at our friends’ house, guess what? He went to sleep! No rocking, no shushing, no back-breaking activities. A serious breakthrough, to say the least. And then it became evident that my little prince had been giving me the signals all along. He’d been telling me what he needed and I’d been ignoring it thinking the only way he’d go to sleep was if I was breaking my back in the process.

How to Keep Things Simple In Your Home Life

I want you to learn from my stupidity. (That’s actually the whole objective of this blog.) So the next time you just can’t seem to figure something out in your personal life, try this:

Don’t overthink anything before it happens. In other words, be careful you don’t come down with a mad case of the “If my husband doesn’t get off the computer…” “If my baby wakes up in the middle of the night…” “If my mom overstays her welcome…” “If my friend can’t make it tomorrow night…” You know why? Because 9 times out of 10, it won’t happen!
If it does happen, think of the easiest (and most stress free) solution and try that first. Instead of yelling at your husband, ask him calmly again, maybe he just lost track of time. Instead of breaking your back and working yourself up, try consoling your baby sitting or lying down. Instead of getting annoyed at your mom, have a conversation about limits and boundaries. Instead of freaking out on your friend, roll with the punches, be understanding, find something else to do.
Live in the moment. Man, the number of times I’ve caught myself planning for the afternoon, thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow or dwelling on something stupid I did a week ago…scratch that. I can’t count them! Be present. Relax. Listen to Erma Bombeck (truth: to me, this is a Van Wilder quote but turns out the real brains behind it belong to this lady):

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

How to Keep Things Simple in Your Business Life

Just like it can in our personal lives, business life can be overly complicated too. When you’re a new mom, there ain’t time for unnecessary biz stresses! Here are a few pointers on how to dial it back, ladies:

Pre-plan your day. The night before, have at least a rough idea of what you want to accomplish tomorrow. And don’t cram too much in! (Side note: don’t think I haven’t realized this point TOTALLY contradicts my “live in the moment” point above. But let’s be real, life doesn’t function smoothly – and simply – without a little planning.
Don’t over-commit or over-promise. Remember, you’re a mommy now and that means there’s a new boss in town: that non-stop eating, pooping tiny tot you gave birth to!
Tell it how it is. Be honest with your clients. Explain your situation. You might be surprised how much support you get. Speaking of simple, Mark Twain put it nicely:

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”

Have you mastered the art of keeping it simple?

How do you do it?

Working Mom

I Feel Guilty When I’m Not Working

January 4, 2015 Katie McDonald 2 Comments

Think about this statement for a minute. Take as long as you need to come to the realization that this is truly f*cked up.

I think this is an “illness” that comes part and parcel with being an entrepreneur. Maybe it also has something to do with our North American, work-obsessed, money-hungry mentality.

It’s no secret that…

We thrive on work.
We push ourselves to (unhealthy) limits.
We think that the only way to succeed – to really “make it” – is to burn out.
We feel guilty when we’re not working!

Being Employed is Different from Running Your Own Show

Entrepreneurs have it a little different from those who are employed. In most positions of employment, people have a set schedule they’re committed to – 9 to 5, 8 to 4, shift work… Whatever that schedule is, employees have the opportunity, and the ability, to disengage. To unplug. To decompress.

But as entrepreneurs we literally live and breathe our work. Even when we’re not working, we’re working. Particularly those of us who work from home may find it difficult to separate work from personal life. Because it’s all connected and intertwined. Our office is just steps away from where we cook meals, watch movies and go to sleep at night. Part of us associates everything we do at work with everything we do at home.

Why I Feel Guilty When I’m Not Working

I think there are a few reasons for this.

No one’s given me a mat leave. Although this doesn’t mean I don’t deserve one, it certainly feels as though I’m not entitled. I chose my self-employed, entrepreneurial career path and with that comes an obligation to work even when most people don’t have to.
My mind is always coming up with new ideas. Whether I’m breastfeeding, about to go to sleep at night, pedalling on the bike at the gym or waking from a midday slumber, I’m constantly thinking, brainstorming and planning. About how I can grow my businesses. About how I can generate more income. About how I can better serve my clients. It doesn’t end. So how can I expect to feel at peace when I’m not doing something to put my ideas into motion?
I’m committed to my business. I want my business to succeed. The thought of being thrown back into the corporate world scares the living bejesus out of me! And the only way for me to ensure that my business can and will continue to thrive is to work at it.
I always want to progress forward. I think the hardest part about partially letting go of the businesses I’ve worked so hard to build is that it feels like a step back. Before my little guy came along, every year I earned more than the year before. Business was thriving and companies were growing. Now, my pay cut feels like a stab in the back.

**Why It’s Bullsh*t**

The reasons for my guilt sound pretty sensible don’t they? While I could spend hours justifying this, and making a damn good case for myself, my reasoning fails to take one very important concept into account: the profound significance of raising a child.

Getting pregnant, giving birth to a healthy baby and growing a family is incredible. It’s priceless. It’s a gift. It’s so special that there are no words to describe it. (Only fellow mothers will truly understand.) It dawned on me recently, as I thoroughly enjoyed a play session with my little prince, that this – my motherly work – trumps all else.

And you know what? It pays better in the long run.

How to Nip Your Pesky (and Unwarranted) Guilt in the Butt!

Your guilt stems from a lifelong habit. Like any other, it takes time to break.
You feel guilty because you’re motivated, hardworking and dedicated. This is a good thing.
Give yourself time to refocus and readjust.
You have your whole life to work.
Your baby will only be a baby once.
Soon, your child won’t need you as much – and you’ll hate it and miss the days when they did.
The mom job has legacy.
Not working – or working less – is only temporary if that’s what you want.
When you’re old, it won’t be the times when you were working that you’ll treasure the most.
Remember that being a good mom is the most important job in the world. So don’t slack!

Working Mom

Becoming a Working Mom

December 23, 2014 Gabriel Kuperman 4 Comments

Letting go of your business (even just a little) friggin’ hurts!

I’m an entrepreneur, yes. But not the kind who’s built a business that now has a hundred employees and runs itself. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m the kind who’s in professional services – I’m a copywriter who works directly with my clients. I’m heavily involved and working hard on a daily basis.

In other words, no maternity leave for moi.

I’ve Been a Working Mother Since Day One

The thought of letting my inbox accumulate for more than a day makes me a little jittery. To me, sifting through the crap and answering any legitimate messages isn’t work. It’s just something I do. Customer service is ridiculously important to me. Make my clients wait more than a few hours to hear back from me? Never.

So, naturally, one of the items on my hospital packing list prior to my son’s birth was my laptop.

About an hour before we left the hospital, we were waiting for one more test (the hearing test) and had a few minutes to kill. My husband was enjoying time with the little guy so, in my mind, it only made sense for me to take this opportunity to check my emails.

If you’re self employed, if you’re dedicated to your work, if you don’t have a mat leave or if you’re just generally a woman who’s always “connected” I know you get it. If you don’t fall into one of these categories, you might think this is downright crazy!

Let me explain something: emptying my email inbox at the hospital makes me smart, not crazy. It was a small yet significant task that demonstrates one key fact about me…

I’m a productivity addict.

No matter what I’m doing, no matter who I’m with, no matter what the setting, productivity is key. And you know what? It’s part of what makes me a good worker, a good business owner and a good mother!

Dealing with Unfinished Work

About a week before I gave birth, I turned off my ad campaign. All my regular and existing clients were fully informed of my situation months before my due date, knowing very well that projects might get interrupted, depending on when exactly my little one decided to make an appearance.

Apparently he couldn’t wait because I delivered two weeks early. Needless to say, that meant unfinished work and projects on hold. Something that didn’t sit too well with me.

You see, I’m anything but a procrastinator. I like having first drafts of all copy that I write to be complete significantly in advance of any final deadline so I can ponder it, let it simmer and then revisit it multiple times before my clients ever see the work once.

If you’ve got kids you know that in the first couple of weeks after you give birth life is mayhem! You’re trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing, you’re discovering who your baby is, you’re treasuring those first few precious moments, and you’re establishing some kind of routine with your partner as you do your best to raise the next kid genius.

There ain’t no time for work!

This was the start of my “letting go” process.

Accepting the Fact that I Have to Let Go

It didn’t take me long to realize a few very important things:

You only get the first day, of the first week, of the first month, with your first child, once.
There’ll always be work to do.
You have the rest of your life to work and make money.
Taking a break doesn’t make you any less of a business owner.
If you don’t give your baby all of you, you’re not only cheating yourself but your baby too.
You made a choice to become a mom – so be one!

Saying “No” to Business Isn’t in My DNA

Even though I turned off my ad campaign, doesn’t mean I wasn’t getting new leads. In fact, I worked my ass off for years to make sure that all my new business wasn’t only coming from paid online advertising. My sites are search engine optimized too.
Potential clients were still knocking at my door.

In the first couple of weeks I made the mistake of accepting new projects, thinking that as long as I extended my deadlines, I’d be able to manage.

Yeah right!

I quickly realized that caring for a newborn is a full-time job. And when you tack on doctor’s appointments, specialist consultations, unexpected procedures and unforeseen treatments (all to try and fix my painful latching issues with breastfeeding), there really is NO TIME for work.

So I had to say “no”.

A lot.

And then sit back and try to calmly deal with the knots in my stomach as I realized it’s just not in my makeup to turn away business.

Benefits of Being a Working Mom

I’m happy to say that it really does get easier. It’s been three and a half months and I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t say “yes!” to every single project. But, I can to some. I’m a happy, thriving and PRODUCTIVE working mom. And I’ve learned that, in fact, I’m glad I don’t have a mat leave.

Here’s why:

When you’re a working mom, you:

Maximize your time
Become more efficient (I’ll explain my theory behind this in my next post)
Make excellent use of your time when Baby is asleep
Watch less TV
Get the intellectual stimulation you need to still feel like yourself
Are always productive
Make money
Feel good about yourself
Get the best of both worlds

Are you a working mother?
What have you learned?
Do you love your work time or do you envy your mat leave friends?

Tell me all about it.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Pain

December 22, 2014 Gabriel Kuperman Leave a comment

My girlfriend says that if my life were a movie, my experience in Babies R Us when my husband and I set up our baby registry (as if I could have despised the process any more), would have been crystal clear foreshadowing.

What began as an exciting and enjoyable little outing quickly turned to doomsday status as soon as I hit the breastfeeding aisle. My heart pounded through my chest, my breath quickened and my forehead began to perspire as I was surrounded by products I never knew existed.

Nipple ointments, breast pads, breast hold/cold compresses, single-breast pumps, double-breast pumps, manual breast pumps, electric breast pumps, bottles, a hundred different nipples for the bottles, breastmilk freezer bags, bottle sterilizers…

WHAT?!?!

breastfeeding-supplies As a sensitive, hormonal, 30-week preggo you can probably guess what happened next.

Waterworks.

All the way home.

Fast-Forward Two Months

I’m lying in the hospital bed. I’ve just given birth. My son is lying on my chest. Skin to skin.

It’s bliss.

“They” say, that one of the best things you can do to maximize your breastfeeding success is to latch your newborn baby onto your breast almost immediately. So, after a few minutes of skin to skin contact, my nurse encourages me to breastfeed.

Bliss turns to pain.

WARNING SIGNAL #1.

You see, right from the get-go, from the very first latch, I felt pain. I expressed my discomfort to the nurse and she looked closely at the latch, peering at my nipple engulfed in my little guy’s mouth from every angle.

“Hmmm…that’s weird,” she said. “It looks like a great latch.”

“Is it possible that I’m feeling pain just because I’ve never done this before?” I asked her.

“Yes, for sure,” she answered confidently. “In fact, I know everyone says you’re not supposed to feel pain with breastfeeding but

I totally disagree. It’s painful. Especially at first because your nipples have to get used to it.”

WRONG.

But…in the moment, I listened and agreed.

How My Breastfeeding Pain was Addressed at the Hospital

I was at the hospital for a total of about 36 hours. Pretty routine. It took me about 8 hours from the birth of my son to actually get a “good feed” in – meaning, a good latch where I knew my little guy was getting more than just a few drops of colostrum. And while that moment was a big relief, by that time I already had significant nipple damage – we’re talking bruising, bleeding and scabbing.

Knowing deep down that this simply wasn’t right, I attended a breastfeeding class to make sure I was ready to rock before packing up and going home. And for every new nurse whose shift overlapped with my hospital stay, I pressed the button and asked for support each time I tried to latch my son. Every single nurse said the same thing: “Well, it looks like you have a good latch there. Your pain must be due to the fact that you already have nipple damage and it needs to heal.”

Makes sense right?

NO!

(Quick side note: believe it or not, even with severe nipple damage – yes, it got even worse as time went on – when I did manage to get a good latch, it didn’t hurt!

The Mistake I Made

What’s funny about my mistake is that for months prior to the birth of my son, I was preaching the fact that, according to what I’d learned from the books I’d read and the prenatal classes I’d attended…

Breastfeeding should never be painful.

AND, if it is, get help right away.

This is the golden rule. Even from the very first latch, when you and your baby have no idea what either of you is doing, you should not have pain!

What a liberating and relieving piece of information, wouldn’t you say?

So, I knew this. I told fellow pregger friends about this. I was prepared for this. And yet, regardless of the excruciating pain I felt, I listened to the people around me and was convinced that soon, very soon, my pain would be gone. Every day that went by, I thought to myself, any day now…just a little longer…

Well, after three weeks it got to the point where my nipples had open lacerations, where I dreaded the moment I recognized my son’s feeding cues, and where I cried at every feeding.

I hit my tipping point.

If You Have Breastfeeding Pain, Get Help Right Away

At the three week mark, after listening to a close friend’s urges to make a move and once my husband uttered the magic words “lactation consultant”, I called in the authorities.

It was a Friday and I’d taken a turn for the worse. In all honesty, I don’t think there is a pain threshold past the one I reached. I went on a rampage calling every lactation consultant from the hospital resource booklet and when unreturned calls and unavailability became the norm, I resorted to my best friend, Google. And here, I found my saviour. Or so I thought at the time…

My breastfeeding woes had only just begun. I’ve been through A LOT in the breastfeeding department since Brody was born. And I’m going to share all of it with you so stay tuned (it’s far too much to write in a single post).

For now, take this piece of advice:

Got breastfeeding pain?

I don’t care whether it’s the first latch or the hundredth.

Get help.

Right now.

Start by calling a certified lactation consultant.
What has your experience with breastfeeding been?

Do share!

Transitioning

Life’s Ultimate Transition to New Mom

December 20, 2014 Gabriel Kuperman 2 Comments

Going from a kid-less, entrepreneurial, social fiend to a seldom working, homebody mom is no seamless adjustment.

Awesome? Yeah.
Easy? No.

Life is characterized by transitions. By accomplishments and milestones that signify change and that make up who we are.

In my 32 years, I’ve transitioned from child to adult, from gymnast to dancer, from student to working professional, from single to married – all with relative ease. My most recent transition from “just me” to “me plus one” (and no, I don’t mean my husband) has been my most challenging and rewarding transition to date.

What I Thought

Ha! Can’t we all relate to this? I can think of several statements I’d start with, “Well, I thought it was going to be like this…”

It’s natural. We’re human. As much as we know we shouldn’t, we make presumptions. We guess, we plan, we imagine and we create conclusions in our minds before an event has even taken place. We think it’ll help us prepare for what’s ahead. But, more often than not, it simply makes us turn around when it’s all said and done and say, “Well, I thought it was going to be like this…But it was actually like this…”

I Had It Allllll Planned Out

During my 38 weeks of pregnancy, I was able to design and plan out my life as a new mom. First, let me tell you that I don’t shy away from challenges and I think I’m capable of pretty much anything. (Doesn’t every mom entrepreneur need this mindset to survive?!) So I figured that within a few weeks – yes weeks – that I’d be a fantastic mom, that I’d be running my business at 50% capacity (at least!) and that I’d be enjoying social outings on a regular (maybe modified outings, but outings nonetheless).

Ha! BIG ha! Joke’s on you, mom.

How It Really Went Down

Let’s put it this way, it’s been 14 weeks and while I do believe that I’m a pretty great mom, my business is at about 20% capacity and a social outing to me these days is a trip to the drugstore. There’s a reason why full time employees get a year’s maternity leave! I mean, seriously, how many hours do I think there are in a day? Truth be told, I spend the bulk of my days breastfeeding, changing, wiping spit-up off sleepers that have only been worn a few mere moments, eating with one hand, peeing with my son sitting on my lap and trying to get a little sleep in half-hour spurts if I’m lucky! Let me paint you a little picture: no exaggeration, right now, the only way I could write this post is by standing with my son in a carrier strapped to the front of me, with my Macbook perched atop the fireplace mantle (which just happens to be the perfect height) and my ten fingers drumming away furiously on my keyboard in an effort to get all my thoughts out before my little prince decides he’s had enough in this position.

mom-carrying-baby As I listen to my husband’s stories of the new programming code he mastered that day, of how many visitors his website got, of the new client that hired him…I can’t help but feel, well, a little lacking in the intellectual stimulation department. And as I get friend invites to go on Vegas trips and I watch new pics of wild nights out get posted on social media…I can’t help but feel left out.

Life has changed. I’m missing things. I can’t do everything I once did.

But then I remind myself:

If I had a childless life right now, that means I wouldn’t know what it feels like to…

Create another human being.
Become a real family.
Fall asleep with your baby on your chest.
See your baby’s smile for the first time.

I’m not missing out. Life’s most meaningful moments have only just begun.

Just Because I Say it isn’t Easy, Doesn’t Mean it isn’t Rewarding

The most difficult and complex experiences in life are the ones that are most rewarding.

They’re the ones that push you to the limits and force you to dig deeper than you ever have before.

They’re the ones that make you a bigger, better person.

They’re the ones you always remember and the ones you share with others.

They’re the experiences worth having.

A New Outlook

The first three months of my baby’s life have been a huge – astronomical – adjustment. I’m forever changed. As I gaze into my little Brody’s eyes, I’m filled with a feeling I’ve never had before. Of course I feel love, I feel pride, I feel gratitude…but it’s much more than that.

Sure, we can go through life living, working, playing. But if we never choose to have children, what happens when we’re gone? Where does it all go? What’s our purpose? What makes it all worthwhile?

No, no. Not good enough. What I feel as a new mother is something big, something significant. It’s legacy. My son is an extension of me and of who I am. He represents what comes after.

The Takeaway

Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned over the last three months:

Giving birth is the most painful experience I ever hope to have in my lifetime. It’s also the most incredible…IF you get an epidural.
Husbands give birth too. (Don’t think it’s easy for your partner to watch you in agony knowing he can’t do a single thing to help you.)
When the nurse puts your newborn baby on your chest, instantly nothing else in the world matters. (And that feeling never really fades.)
It’s crazy how you can feel so much love for someone you just met. Now I know what love at first sight really is.
One of the most special days in a person’s lifetime is the day they bring their newborn home from the hospital.
A long, continuous sleep is something I won’t have again for a very, very long time. And I’m okay with that.
If you’re not fortunate enough to get a good latch, breastfeeding pain is a very close second to labour.
Breastfeeding isn’t just how you feed your baby. There’s a whole science behind it.
There are lots of successful entrepreneurial traits that also make you a successful mother.
If you’re determined enough, you really can conquer anything.
This couldn’t be more true: “It takes a village to raise a baby.”
Days pass like hours, hours pass like minutes and minutes pass like seconds.
You can’t work full time and be a fantastic mother.
If you’re too busy worrying about time, money and work you miss all the good stuff.
I constantly feel guilty when I’m not working.
My son has already taught me to dismiss my guilt, to take these precious months in stride and to treasure: Every. Single. Moment.
Sleep is EVERYTHING.
No matter how fit you are, nothing can prepare you for new mother back and neck pain. And nobody gives you fair warning!
You can lose your belly in a week and half.
Finding the perfect time to have sex…when the baby is quiet, when you and your partner are together, when you’re both in the mood and when all the stars align in perfect cosmic balance…is f*cking challenging!
Watching your baby change, grow and evolve every day is better than sex. Uhhh…okay, maybe a tie?
You can’t put a price on a good support network.
Giving birth should also include the growth of a third arm.
It is possible to painstakingly miss someone after just one hour.
All the judgments you ever had about other parents go out the window, because now, you finally get it.

New mom, motherly entrepreneur, business woman and expectant new mother! What are you learning as you make your journey?

Comment, share, vent!

I want to hear all about it.